As the other educator pointed out, Iago is an overprotective, jealous, and domineering husband. The root of his bad behavior toward his wife Emilia originates from his contempt of her intelligence. In short, Iago doesn't think much of Emilia. She's a tool that he uses to further his ambitious ends.
In act 3, scene 3, Emilia tells Iago that she finally has possession of Desdemona's handkerchief. Recall that Iago had exerted continuous pressure on Emilia to steal the handkerchief in the past. Now that she has it, Emilia thinks that her husband will be pleased with her.
However, he displays nothing but contempt for Emilia. Iago rudely asks her why she's hovering about the place alone. When she hands him the handkerchief, he grabs it with a rude comment: "It is a common thing . . . to have a foolish wife." Iago doesn't thank Emilia. For her part, Emilia is a little irritated by Iago's poor treatment, and she demands, "What will you give me now / For the same handkerchief?"
Iago doesn't humor her with an answer, which upsets her. Now, unlike many past occasions, Emilia openly questions her husband about his intentions. However, Iago rebuffs her, as he always does. At this point, we begin to see Emilia exert her personal agency and begin to push back against Iago's abusive treatment. Emilia's loyalty to Desdemona compels her to do everything she can to protect her mistress.
Matters come to a head when Emilia discovers to her horror (in act 5) that her husband has betrayed Desdemona and accused her mistress of adultery. At this point, Emilia puts aside her characteristic submissiveness and turns on Iago.
She confronts not only Iago but Othello, as well, after the latter murders Desdemona. Emilia's courageous stand rests on her resolve to not "charm" her "tongue" any longer, while her mistress lies "murdered in her bed."
Emilia even tells Iago that she may never go home again, and she characterizes Iago's acts for what they are: evil.
'Twill out, ’twill out.—I peace?
No, I will speak as liberal as the north.
Let heaven and men and devils, let them all,
All, all cry shame against me, yet I’ll speak.
Emilia refuses to keep silent, and her boldness (unfortunately) leads to her death at Iago's hands.
To summarize: Emilia and Iago's relationship is initially unequal in nature. However, Emilia's last act of defending her mistress and the truth demonstrates that she is a better person than her husband. In death, Emilia retains her personhood and conscience.
Iago and Emilia's relationship doesn't appear to be based on love. But then that's probably because Iago is constitutionally incapable of love. Iago is insanely jealous of his wife and has got it into his head that she's been cheating on him with Othello. This isn't an expression of love, however, but of self-regard. Iago is very much a man of his time. The merest hint of infidelity on the part of his wife, however implausible, is a threat to his masculinity. Iago's reputation is everything to him, both as a man and as a soldier, and that reputation is damaged by any suggestion that Emilia's turned him into a cuckold.
Emilia, for her part, is absolutely devoted to her husband. She aims to please, and will do anything for Iago, even if it means being used as a pawn in a wicked plot to destroy Desdemona. Emilia is blissfully unaware of why Iago wants her to go and fetch Desdemona's handkerchief. She hasn't the faintest idea of what her husband proposes to do with it, but it really doesn't matter; all she wants to do is please her man:
I’ll have the work ta'en out And give ’t Iago. What he will do with it Heaven knows, not I. I nothing but to please his fantasy (Act III Scene iii).
In many respects, Iago and Emilia's relationship parallels that between Othello and Desdemona. Both women have the misfortune to be married to unworthy men, who treat them abominably. Yet Emilia and Desdemona respond to their husbands' jealousy, anger, and harsh words with love, kindness and forbearance. There is more than a hint of codependency about these relationships, and Emilia's codependency, like Desdemona's, ultimately leads to tragedy.
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